Dictated: “She is a heavy snorer, but her mother denies any snoring or obstructive sleep apnea.”
One doctor dictated a date of birth for the patient which would indicate she was less than 1 month old. However, she was presenting in active labor! It turns out that the date of birth dictated was not even similar to her actual date of birth.
Letters from one doctor to another are supposed to be very professional-sounding documents--at least I thought so! This line in a letter from one doctor to another made me laugh: "She does smoke, and she is aware that smoking is evil."
I'm so excited that I now have a free landline service with unlimited calling that I just have to tell you about it!My job requires me to have a landline phone and unlimited long distance. That can be expensive! A cell phone won't work because i have to be able to plug my dictaphone into an actual phone jack.
I finally had enough of paying for long distance service and with the help of my husband got set up with an OBi 100. With this device I have unlimited free calling to US and Canada. It works so well, and I'm so excited to have phone service that I don't have to pay anything for. At all. Ever. The only cost was buying the OBi 100 device for $39 off Amazon and porting my old cell number for $20. This system does require an internet connection, but I have to have that for work anyway.This is how it works: You set up a Google Voice number through Google for free. If you want to port your cell number into Google Voice you will have to pay $20. You can't port a land line number. Then you buy the OBi 100, follow the easy setup instructions it comes with, plug in your regular phone to the phone jack, plug it into your internet router, and start calling!
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Here are the latest funny things I have come across.
"Right hips." Wow! How many hips do I have on each side, I wonder?
My ESL doc dictated "postcricoid edema" and then proceeded to carefully spell "edema" twice for my benefit. Never mind postcricoid. No doubt I know how to spell that one!
"She says she is hungry; other than that she has no abdominal problems." In that case, I regularly have abdominal problems.
"A pregnancy test was also done, and it was absolutely normal." What is a normal pregnancy test? If it was positive would that make it abnormal?
Gotta love my ESL: "The child only has one word, period, has only one word, w-o-r-d, has only one word, period." Do you really think I need to to spell w-o-r-d? Besides the fact that she repeats everything. Gotta love her though. She really isn't hard to understand and I'm pretty fast at her.
Doctor says: "He has drinken a few little drinks of liquid." Interesting grammar there!
I was typing vitals: "Weight nine ten." I thought, wow, really, 910 pounds! And the doctor said it so matter-of-factly that I wasn't sure if I had heard right. Then I realized this was a baby and it weighs 9 pounds 10 ounces! This time it was my mistake!
Sometimes I wonder if doctors haven't heard of HIPPA privacy laws which, among other things, specify that I must never send a letter or a copy of a chart to any doctor except the one the provider specifies. So the other day I'm typing a letter "to XXX practice. I don't know the name of the doctor. Just pick one." (In that case, I am to address the letter to XXX practice and begin it "Dear Providers.") She actually did this twice.
Verbatim can be funny! “He does have very limited flexation, and I was unable to get his head tilted back in a significant amount of degree.”
Dictated at end of report: “Transcriptionist, this is a redictation of one I dictated this morning because they said they can’t find the one from this morning. So if this is already out there somewhere, don’t retype it.” Sorry, but if “they” can’t find it, I probably can’t either. And it’s a little late, I already typed it. (Company policy is that I get paid for what I type, even if the doctor decides after the fact that he wants it disregarded, which is nice!)
In the EMR (electronic it stated his sister had diabetes mellitus type 2, but he states he did not have a sister or brother. Wonder how that got into his EMR! Or did he forget about his sister?
I haven't posted any funnies recently, so I've collected several!
Dictated: "The patient was born in 2019." (This was supposed to be 1919.)
Doctor dictates "no dentures" which he had noted also in history, then "corrected" himself to "adentic," which I'm assuming he thinks is a medical term for having no dentures. It's funny when doctors make up their own words! It's certainly not in my dictionary.
One doctor was dictating a letter to another doctor about whether the patient needed workup for her memory problems: “When I last saw the patient, the subject of her memory really did not come up. I think she may have forgotten to talk with me about it.” Sounds like she might need some help with her memory!
Dictated: “The patient has a positive fluid balance of 4000 liters over the past 24 hours, although I am not sure about the accuracy of this.” Yeah, I seriously doubt the accuracy of that too! He was actually doubting the accuracy because of some incontinence. I don't think he realized he said "liters." (That would mean he took in 4000 more liters than he put out in one day which would be impossible!)
11:30 min into an ER report the doctor started falling asleep! He started mumbling and then stopped talking. A moment later he said, "let's see, well, I'm not sure where I was. I kind of drifted off, anyway," and then resumed dictating!
Using a text expander is the best way to increase productivity. I use Instant Text, but other people prefer Shorthand. I add to my Instant Text glossaries every day! The latest major additions I made were something I should have done long ago! Here they are:CBC: White count , hemoglobin , hematocrit , platelets ,000, MCV , neutrophil count %. (shortcut for this is simply "cbc.")
CMP: Sodium , potassium , chloride , CO2 , anion gap of , glucose , BUN , creatinine , GFR , calcium , total protein , albumin , bilirubin , AST , ALT , and alk phos . (shortcut for this is simply "cmp.")I use ctrl-arrow to jump over the words to the blanks where I insert the value. At my job, I always have to make sure the platelets are written in thousands even if the doctor just dictates a 3-digit number, so I put the 000 in to remind me. The above shortcuts save me a lot of time and typing!
I'm going try to keep track of the funny things I come across and post them on Fridays. Here are this week's!
Baby is “in the nursery in a bassinet with her father.” Of course I know that the baby was in the nursery with her father, and she was also in a bassinet, but I'm picturing them both trying to fit into the bassinet!
"She did have double vision and saw two ophthalmologists." I know it's perfectly logical, that she just saw two doctors to try to get her problem fixed, but I keep wanting to laugh because I'm picturing double vision turning the one ophthalmologist into two!
"She said after childbirth it was up to a week before she delivered." It's in the context of constipation, so I'm guessing maybe it should be "had a bowel movement" instead of "delivered!"
Doctor dictated: "She took some Dramamine which exasperated the vertigo." (Should be exacerbated.)
Doctor says patient should take Flonase by mouth. (Flonase is a nasal spray.)
Today I learned a new word: Dysgeusia. It means a distorted sense of taste.
The doctor was kind enough to spell it for me, which saved some time.
Usually I don't like doctors to spell words because sometimes they misspell the word or they spell out something like "auscultation," "dysuria," or something else that I have typed many times and already have entered in my text expander.